God lives in a glass orb

God lives in a tiny glass orb. The orb is made out of ultramarine glass and had once costed quite a lot in some bazaar in the Far East. The orb is not hollow and it doesn't have a hole of any kind, so I wondered how God could have got in there. On the other hand God is quite mighty. God is also little and furry. It has a habit of squeaking every morning in demand of company. I quit my job in the nearby conditioner's. In my sign-off letter I wrote that I had decided to dedicate my life to serving God. They couldn't even imagine how demanding one little God can be. Neither could I.

But now it's too late, God has established its place on my bookshelf, between the dictionary and the Greek cookbook. The orb it is living in serves as a great bookprop. God sure is an interesting acquaintance. It arrived in last May, a few days after the May Day. I heard angry roaring from my drawer. It gave me a start, because I thought that there were mice chewing on my writings. As I opened the drawer, I saw the light. There was my pocket light and someone had set it on. In its shine I could see a small being inside the orb and I immediately knew it was God. I fell on my knees and bowed about for a few moments. Then my curiosity won my cautiousness and I took the orb in my hand.

The orb's mass had increased a lot. I thought it was because God is quite a noteworthy instance. I asked if it wanted something to eat. There was some very delicious meat soup in the fridge. Well, it was two days old, but still as good as new. God was quiet. I apologized for my great stupidity. I asked where it'd like to live. It didn't answer, only stared at me sharply. What about the fireplace ledge? I asked. It roared loudly. Uh, that's correct, it reminds you of hell too much. What about the bookshelf? I have some really educating books. There was no answer, so I placed the orb on the shelf.

As I said, God doesn't eat anything, but still needs quite a lot of attention. In the morning it wakes me up a bit after five. A week after its arrival I got up from my bed and walked to the bookshelf. The orb tends to sometimes glow with a purpura light, but only at mornings. However, it's possible that I'm just seeing things. God moved back and forth in the orb and was, like always, ready to insult me. "You are one unbelievable idiot." Me? I asked, looking around in search of another scapegoat. "Yes, you. You are the stupidest of all. The slippers you wear. They're inferior." Really? "Yes, they are. Look at yourself."

I looked at my ochre slippers. I nodded. They were a bit gross. I hastened to the shoe store, the god orb in my pocket. All the way to the store I felt it bouncing there and heard insults directed to pagans. It asked me to deliver a bunch of them to the other side. But good God, that would be way against the ten commandments! I shrieked. "Yeah, sure is", it mumbled sulkily. I had to try out seven pairs of slippers before God finally was satisfied. The chosen slippers were ivory in color and very expensive. I dared not to complain, so I paid them without complainments.

Sometimes early in the day God amuses me with funny stories. It even told me about creating the world. Though I think it might have exaggerated a bit. Once it told me about the time when it banished Lucifer to Hell. "I grabbed him by neck and kicked his ass!" Now that's rubbish, I said. But God strongly claimed it was true. Not that it matters to me.

Listen, I asked, will I end up in Hell? God looked at me, pondering, and laughed in a nasty way. "What do you reckon yourself?" I don't know, I replied truthfully. I'm quite a nice person. I think I might make it to Heaven. I looked at the little creature. It was thinking. "I would tend to put you in Hell." To hell? I scremead. Why the he...ck? "Even for those soap operas only you would belong to the deepest stove of hell." They are not soap! They're quality dramas, I objected. And I quit watching them. As I also quit drinking coffee and swearing.

Sometimes God showed me miracles. Once I prayed for some Great Sign. And oh holy crap! Some completely sane and interesting programs appeared on my tv. I knelt down and spoke in languages for a while. But as a human I'm weak and not easily satisfied. The next day I asked for a new sign. God surprised me. It created a massive phone receiver out of thin air in the middle of my living room. Answer it, it promptly commanded. Hello? Who's there? "Hey, it's Jesus here, how do you do. What's up?" My astonishment lasted for several seconds. Then I was able to utter: Nothing special, just that your dad lives around here these days. "Yep, I know that," said Jesus. "He's a nasty old man, but it has a golden heart." We chatted about this and that for a while, after which the receiver disappeared.

Once God decided to be a real bitch. I had invited some neighbours over for tea and some snacks. God was envious and thought he'd enliven up the visit. First it imitated a locomotive quite genuinely. "What was that?" the neighbour lady asked. I have no idea, I lied. It must have been the radio. Sometimes it gets switched on by itself. The neighbours didn't seem to take my explanation. The next thing we heard was meowing sounds from the living room. "So you've bought a puss?" asked my neighbour. Not really, I answered. There's my nephew's talking furry toy he forgot here on the last family visit. I said I had to go to the toilet and walked to the living room. There I picked up the orb-God entity and took it to the balcony. It's not like God is over all earthly punishment when it truly deserves it.

Despite that we often had quite deep conversations with God, I started to get tired with it. It knew all my thoughts and watched over all my actions. Sometimes I even had to sing it some songs from the hymn-book. Sad to admit it, but God is rather tone-deaf. Yesterday I finally managed to tell it that it would need to find a new niche. "No way," it refused. "I am not going anywhere. I can't. I'm too fond of this residence," it cried. I felt pity for it.

Early this morning I put the orb in my suitcase and left. The bookshelf looked empty without that dear blue orb, but it was too bad. I had made my decision. I walked a small alley leading to a yellow wooden house and knocked on its door. It was opened by an old lady with long black hair. She nodded at me, we knew each other since decades. How much? I asked as I handed her the orb. "Not much," she answered, "Even though it's of a very beautiful color." She offered me a ridiculously small amount of money which I refused. Take a glance, it's God living in there! The lady took another look and doubled her offer. This time I agreed and waved God goodbye. On my way home I spent the money on two kilos of sausages. Unfortunately they turned out to be stale and I had to throw them away.